I have been studying Japanese for a about six months, and I thought I was progressing. However, many times there are gaps of awkward silence in conversations with Japanese friends, as well as blank looks when I give the standard “okay” sign. What am I doing wrong?
— Mitchell Harris
Some people find silence oppressive in a conversation, and feel an irresistible urge to fill every five-second gap with sometimes unnecessary words. However, to many Japanese people, silence can be just as significant as words. It can be a moment to “digest” all levels and implications of what has just been communicated or a pause to ponder and respond in a manner that causes the least negativity on both parties. Sometimes silence, or what is left unspoken, can also be just as important as what is said. Occasionally when communicating with a Japanese person, one must read between the lines a little bit more and watch for non-verbal cues and body language that can differ from what you are used to seeing. Japan’s principal religions are Shinto and Zen Buddhism, and many aspects of these religions deeply permeate Japanese culture and daily life. Many Zen Buddhists believe in stark simplicity; that by ridding oneself of earthly attachments, including attachment to the notion of “self” or “I," one can be free of suffering. Many aspects of Shinto morality are rooted in de-emphasizing “self," and emphasizing everything of benefit to the group. Even during modern times, these deep-seated ideals affect the mannerisms of many Japanese.
The expressionless, uncommitted appearance of the Japanese is fairly common. In Japan, it is usually considered rude to overtly express your emotions in public. The “poker face” is often used to cover up negative emotions, save other people from embarrassment, as well as to protect privacy. Every so often, even the universal smile can carry unfamiliar meanings. In addition to being an expression of joy, a smile can also be an expression that conceals embarrassment, and it can also hide pain, or anguish. In an uncomfortable situation, it is not uncommon for Japanese to give a nervous laugh or an awkward smile to conceal their true emotions. Direct eye contact, which is often seen as a sign of honesty, confidence, or sincerity can be considered a rude gesture that signifies defiance or challenge. A Japanese person also may sometimes shift their eyes or look down to show respect to another person.
Certain hand gestures that may mean one thing to a person from one culture could mean something completely different to a Japanese person. For example the concept of “Me” or “I” can be signified by either pointing to one’s nose, or touching their nose—as opposed to a thumb to one’s chest. Fanning one’s hand back and forth in front of the face as if to fan away flies usually means “no." And, pointing the index fingers up from the temples—mimicking a devil’s horns— can convey anger. Forming a circle with the thumb and index fingers together—similar to what is sometimes used by many of us to mean, “okay”—usually means money.
These are just a few of the little differences between Japanese and Western cultures’ ways of communication. And, although communicating can sometimes be difficult, the rewards are great—don’t give up!
—Mike Daley
Got questions for Mike? E-mail editor@okinawa.usmc-mccs.org.
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